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Regret. Guilt. Remorse. The better the mother, the more likely she feels strong emotions about the mistakes of motherhood. They’re inevitable, but we do not have to make them worse by mishandling what has already been done.
As a new mother, I certainly wasn’t prepared for the torment of knowing I caused pain to my children. It’s unavoidable, but moms seldom give themselves any room for mercy when it comes to damage caused to their little ones.
When I thought of having children, I thought about the soft cuddles and holding them while they smiled and appreciated my love. I never thought about the cuts, scrapes, boo-boos, and wrong decisions I would make.
My Tormented Mind
My son was about nine years old when he told me about a mistake I had made with him years before. I had no memory of it at all. Still, the pain he felt was real, and an onslaught of mommy guilt and self-hatred hit like a baseball hurling past home plate.
The Emotional Torment of the Mistakes of Motherhood
Such sadness came upon me that I had difficulty being happy. I wanted to make it up to my son, so I thought about what I could buy to erase the pain. The next time he misbehaved, the guilt of my mistake interfered with good parenting. I could not correct him in the event I was wrong and in case it would cause him to dislike me. My thinking was so not okay. I didn’t realize my guilt was hurting my parenting more than the mistake he thought I had made.
Help from a Grandmother
Thankfully, I attend a great local church with older and wiser women. I caught one of my mentors, Lisa Thresher, in the church parking lot and did what I thought was confessing to her. Feeling like she needed to know how bad I was, I confessed, “I have made some mistakes.” She listened as I told her of what had broken my heart. As I neared the end of my story, I was a bit irritated by her facial expression. She stood looking at me in amusement.
I asked, “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
She said, “I’m not laughing at you. Lisa, you know there aren’t any perfect mothers, right?”
I bristled, “I know! But…”
She corrected me, “If you know there’s no perfect mother, then why do you expect you can be perfect? Every mom will make mistakes in motherhood, we just need to know how to get up after a fall.”
I hadn’t considered that. Still, I continued as if she couldn’t know my sorrow. I told her I couldn’t undo what I might have done and how I wished I could fix all my woes.
The Best Wisdom on the Mistakes of Motherhood
My mentor gave me a verbal blow that I’ve never forgotten. She said, “You aren’t God.”
Frustrated, I protested, “I know that I’m not!”
She said kindly, “Honey, there is one redeemer, and you aren’t suited to try and be Him! You see the mistake and want to fix and redeem it, but no matter what you do, you’ll never do it. Buying your kids gifts, letting them get away with misbehavior, and carrying that guilt will result in worse mistakes than you can imagine. You are setting yourself up to be manipulated and controlled in the future.”
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14 NKJV
Receiving Her Wisdom
By this time, I was crying harder. I sniffled, “Then what do I do?”
She smiled again, “You call upon the redeemer.”
I asked, “I don’t know how.”
She said, “If you have sinned, repent. If you need to apologize to your children, then do it. But, take your mistakes to God. Cast your care upon Him and call upon Him as a redeemer. Tell Him all about it and ask Him to fix or redeem the mistake. You will be amazed at what He can do once you get out of the way.”
Stunned and suspicious that the repair could be easy, I walked away, thinking heavily about the conversation.
The Redeemer Lives
I made a point to apologize to my son, even though I still don’t think I did what he thought, but in his young mind, it happened. He forgave me when I told him that I was sorry. I then took it to the Lord and asked God to redeem it. Imagine my surprise when I brought up the subject a while later, and my son had no idea what I was talking about! That thing was so redeemed that it just left his mind. Wow.
Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer,
The Holy One of Israel:
“I am the Lord your God,
Who teaches you to profit,
Who leads you by the way you should go. Isaiah 48:17
Sharing Redemption
Since then, I have mentored many young women using the same advice I was given over and over. One woman received deliverance after spending quite a bit of time verbally abusing her family. Once she was healed of her wounds and a spirit of death and anger was expelled, she felt the weight of what she had done and what she had allowed to happen in her home. Shame, guilt, remorse, dread, and regret tried to snuff out her new found joy.
She wanted to do everything she could to redeem it, but that never worked. I told her to do what I had done. She began praying. A year later, when she talked to her children, there was no residue of the years of pain they had suffered. The mother became a super mom, and her kids learned that Jesus improved their lives.
I’m not saying that redemption erases all of the memory of motherhood’s mistakes. It is the difference between having an open, festering wound verses a wound that is healed over and no longer painful. Redemption works like that.
Recommended Reading: Parents Empowered: Healing and deliverance with kids and teens
Breaking Down the Process to Heal from the Mistakes of Motherhood
Some mistakes are worse than others, but the redeemer can take on every level of sin. The fastest and most joyful way to redeem the past is by following these steps:
- Recognize the mistakes or perceived mistakes.
- Forgive yourself and allow God to remove the shame, guilt, regret, and pain.
- Ask your children or others to forgive you. Be patient. Some may forgive quickly, and others may have to process it. The redeemer will help them!
- Pray and ask God to redeem the mistake as He sees fit. Ask Him to heal any wounds you may have caused and remove any triggers that link your loved ones to the pain. If restitution is in order, He will guide you on how to make amends.
- Trust God. Give it to Him, and let Him guide you to be the best parent possible.
What do you have to lose? Let go of the past so you and your child can experience the future God has for you!
Books from Lisa Piper
